Only Child on the Road

Sometimes the life of an only child can get pretty rough. What, with having the undivided attention of her parents and unlimited amounts of positive reinforcement, the stress level of an only child can build up to the point that she's just got to say, "Hey! I need some space!"

At times like that, it's a good excuse for the only child to book it as fast as possible, go visit her aunt in Miami, and road trip to the magical world of Disney. That's right, only child, you're going to get some much needed rest and relaxation in the Happiest Place on Earth!

In order to have the Happiest Time Possible at the Happiest Place on Earth, it's best to follow a few simple guidelines. First, you'll need to dress the part of the Happiest Traveler on Earth.



Our only child, pictured above, has got it just right. Choose an outfit in appropriately muted pastels, hike those shorts up to around your armpits, and be sure that your shirt is just short enough to be completely awkward. This outfit says, "It's party time. Now, where's that giant Mouse?"

However, vacations aren't just about looking for enormous rodents, they're also about enjoying the scenery. Our only child does just that in this next shot.



You see, people have the wrong idea about only children. Only children are seen as needing to be the center of attention at all times. Our only child knows that she is but one part of a larger whole; in this case the larger whole is the background display of poinsettias. In order to show that understanding, she's chosen not to look directly at the camera as might be expected, and her body language (arms slightly flailing to the side, one leg awkwardly twisted) suggests that she wants us to admire the flora surrounding her. Well done, only child.

When all of this self reflection and picture posing gets to be a bit much, it's important to take a little downtime. Stop for a snack.



It might surprise you to know that, like other children, only children love ice cream. Some only children love ice cream a little. Some only children love ice cream a lot. And some only children use ice cream to compensate for the younger siblings they sometimes wish they had. I'll leave it up to the reader to decide which type of only child our only child is.

Finally, it's also necessary to note that, even on vacation, children can sometimes act up. Though usually the picture of behavioral perfection, only children are not immune to the occasional bad day. Because of the only child's natural stubbornness, the adult in charge of the only child's care must be firm.



While it might look as though the only child pictured above is being punished for behavioral problems, I assure you that is not the case. Sadly, our only child has been put in the stocks for "Crimes against Fashion," with an additional citation for "Failure to Brush Hair." Who even knew those were punishable offenses in the Happiest Place on Earth? Apparently they are, and Disney employs a veritable platoon of furry costumed ambassadors of good taste.

So, when going to the Happiest Place on Earth, remember to pack a brush. Following these simple rules should provide any only child with the vacation of a lifetime. Enjoy!

[Editor's Note: I was a stubborn, brush-and-hair-product hating child. My dear Aunt Jane is not responsible for my imprisonment at Disney. I take full responsibility for that. She couldn't have gotten a barrette in my hair without use of excessive force. And I still think I could have taken her. ;)]

[Editor's Note, the second: All sarcasm and joking aside, this was one of the awesomest trips I've ever gone on in my life. I slept on a turnpike and in the parking lot of a Radisson. Most people can't say that. And, according to my Aunt Jane, I am not supposed to say that either. Well, I guess the cat's out of the bag.]