That's not a new story. That's everyone's story.
But, I did try. This was the early 90s, so the definition of "cool" was vastly different than it is today. "Cool" included high-waisted jeans back then. High-waisted jeans are now referred to as "mom jeans," and everyone knows that moms aren't cool.
Sorry, folks. They're just not. Moms drive minivans. Moms go to soccer games. Moms drive minivans to soccer games. None of these activities fall under our collective understanding of cool.
Anyways, my efforts to look cool started off with trying to reach the pinnacle of cool. I tried to look preppy. This plan seemed good because:
1. Preppy kids were always the most popular.
2. I desperately wanted to be popular.
3. I had a sneaking suspicion that friendships were based solely on the number of identifiable brand names one was wearing.
There was only one obstacle in my way. Well, there were two, if you count my parents individually. There was no way that my parents would either spend ridiculous amounts of money on clothes or allow me to. My mom and I shopped at a store called "Hit-or-Miss."
You read that right. We shopped at Hit-or-Miss. What brilliant advertising mind came up with that one, we may never know. My guess is he's either been exiled by his former company to an unnamed and unpleasant location or he's living in a sort of self-imposed exile. You know, living right among us but pretending his former life in advertising never existed? That's what I'd do if I were him.
As you can guess, the local Hit-or-Miss wasn't going to carry any outfits that would make me popular or even make me the kind of girl who'd be invited to sit within a quarter mile of the "cool table" in the cafeteria. I actually ate at the convenience store across the street and only because the owner felt sorry for me.
If I was ever going to make it out of my Slurpee-soaked lunchtimes and into the realms of popularity, I was going to have to work at it.
Here's one example of what I came up with:
What you can't see is that I'm wearing Girbauds. Hit-or-Miss got an unexpected shipment containing maybe four pair of them. These were cutoffs. The satin-trim tee was the height of fashion, and I found a place that had them for cheap. Of course, it's all tied together with a Mexican belt. That shows that I'm worldly and maybe even go on mission trips. That was totally not the case, but nobody asked. And the giant bangs? Well, those were all me. I didn't know a single person who was rockin' the bangs back then, but they were my thing. Who knows.
As it turned out, I was never destined to be popular. Over the next few weeks, I'll be showing you some examples of why. :)
